Minimum Safe Distance

I'm Riff. I'm a writer for a popular online game called Kingdom of Loathing. This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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Sun Oct 12

IF Comp '08: LAIR of the CyberCow (spoilers)

Now that I’ve finished the zcode games, I figure I’ll pick games with interesting-sounding titles until I’ve either played everything, or the Comp ends. And by ‘interesting’, I of course mean ‘likely to result in a funny blog post’.

The game uses Adrift’s Battle System, something not fully supported by this release of SCARE. (Followed by an elaboration on why this might screw things up.)
I don’t know what this means. Is SCARE a particular interpreter for Adrift games, similar to Zoom for zcode? Google says… yes. I also discover that Spatterlight (which is what I’m using) contains SCARE. So this game may turn out to be unplayable. Hopefully hilariously unplayable.

> verbose
You must use the menu system to toggle verbose/brief mode. Go to OPTIONS > VERBOSE.
> options
The parser didn’t understand that…

Neither did the player. Is this an Adrift thing? I don’t appear to have an OPTIONS menu in Spatterlight. You know, it seems like every time I play a non-zcode game, I am reminded of why I only play zcode games.

You can only move south.
Lest you assume that I got this message after trying to move, say, east: this was part of the room description. Not a good start. Yes, it’s marginally better than
>n
You can’t go that way.
>e
You can’t go that way.
>w
You can’t go that way.
but you know what? Saving me some trouble by telling me you didn’t bother to write any descriptive text doesn’t make me any more impressed by your lack of descriptive text.

Vluurinik flies in from the west.
Wha?! No, seriously… “Vluurinik”?

My house has only one room, the Living Room. I think I sleep in the cupboard.

> open cupboard
You open the cupboard. Inside the cupboard is the bowl and the flashlight.
I’m getting increasingly petty here, but I’d like to point out that if it’s THE bowl, then I should get at least a point for picking it up. “You found The Bowl! We are saved!”

In the Chapel
You are inside the local House of God.
> x god
You see no such thing.

(rimshot)

Man, not having VERBOSE is really cramping my shit here.

Suddenly and abruptly, it’s night-time. This does not appear to have changed anything.

> i
You are carrying nothing… you lost it all in that crazy bit in the well, while trying not to drown.

Wait, what? When? You never said a single goddamn thing about any crazy bit, or nearly drowning, or losing all my inventory!

Oh wait — I didn’t lose my inventory. I’m still carrying everything. I can put stuff down, pick it back up, and examine it. But I’m “carrying nothing”, because of the nonexistant drowning event. Awesome.

After reading many hints:
In the Bell
You are in the huge cracked churchbell. (Step careful here: it rolls dangerously.) You can see something taped to the inside of the bell.
> get taped
Take what?
> get all
There is nothing to pick up here.
> look at something
You see no such thing.
> x something
It’s a packet of some kind that’s been taped to the inside of the bell.

You are seriously pissing me off, game.

> x packet
This is the packet you found taped to the inside of the church bell. It looks like you could unfold it.
> unfold packet
I don’t understand what you want me to do with the packet.
> open packet
You can’t open the packet!
Oh my fucking god.

I have read more hints. Look at this:

You need to find the plans. They’re in a PACKET which you need to UNFOLD. It’s taped inside the bell.

> unfold packet
I don’t understand what you want me to do with the packet.

Do you understand this?: Fuck you, game.

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