Think before you speak, part 2

The more I think about the previous post, the more potential it seems to have. Obviously, the guys that call people ‘fags’ aren’t going to just quit cold-turkey. We have to give those friars a different insult to replace it with. Preferably one that marginalizes some weird minority group. So why not monks?

Try it: call your dog or little sister a monk, right now. “Get out of here, you fucking monk.” See how good that feels? (Or bad, depending on how you feel about your dog/sister.) It’s just as effective an insult.

Try ‘friar’. Put a sneer on it. Imagine saying it on Teamspeak. “Nice job avoiding that obvious fucking AoE attack, you goddamn friar. Did you learn to play this game in a fucking Franciscan monastery?” (Yes, friars are not the same thing as monks, and that insult is contradictory. Nobody cares. Except monks.)

‘Friar’ and more elaborate insults (like “tonsure-shaving follower of the Rule of St. Benedict”) are also good for when you’re insulting an African-American, and don’t want to use the word ‘monk’ for fear of being misheard. You don’t want anyone to think you’re a racist. You just want to emphasize the fact that this person is a giant bell-ringing Gregorian-chanting cenobite.

But, to make this happen, we need all of you (yes, you) to get behind this. Spread the word! If you have cause to insult someone, call them a fucking monk! Let that fucking friar know you’re not gonna put up with his Trappist bullshit.

And don’t let those friars that call people ‘fags’ get away with using such outdated terminology! If someone calls you a fag, say to them “‘Fag’? What is this, the late twentieth century? Did you just get back from pilgrimage, or have you just been living in a cave like the ascetic hermit you are, you fucking monk?”

“I need a dispenser here, fag!”
“I need you to start following your vow of silence, you goddamn monk. Did you learn that word from your fucking Abbot?”

“lol fag”
“stfu monk. Go recite the fucking Liturgy of Hours and come back when you’re not such a fucking anchorite.”

Do it. Make it happen. Link this post, spread the word! ‘Monk’ is the new ‘fag’. Show those cassock-wearing followers of St. Benedict of Nursia what time it is. Here’s a hint: it’s not fucking vespers.

2 thoughts on “Think before you speak, part 2

  1. So I think it was this post that really got me hooked into reading your blog, as it was equal parts hilarious and practical. I’m both informing you and asking your permission to use either your basic idea here, or possibly some of your exact insults for my novel, as I need a character to swear without actually swearing (he’s trying to be a nice old grandfatherly type figure). I realized this was the pefect idea for the poor guy.If you do have a problem, contact me and let me know and I’ll come up with something else. Otherwise, thank you for the brilliant idea!

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