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Marty: “With all this ruckus, there better be some psychos attacking or something.”

Panicbot: “It’s even worse than that! I can’t figure out what the fuck to build with today’s legos!”

Marty: “Oh for the love of… huh. What does the calendar say it’s supposed to be?”

Panicbot: “I think it’s a shower! Aieeeeeeeee!”

Marty: “A shower? Well, that is just retarded. I can’t take off my clothes! If I were to stand in a shower, I’d look like an idiot.”

Panicbot: “I KNOW RIGHT?? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOOOO”

Marty: “I am going to throw the parts on the unused parts pile along with all the swords and extra wigs. You are going to shut up. Jesus christ.”

Panicbot: “Who’s that woman lying up there in the corner, with the loaf of french bread?”

Marty: “Goddamnit I told you not to pay any attention to that corner.”

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Marty: “There you go, Courierbot, all finished!”

Courierbot: “Wow! Thanks Marty, I feel like a new robot!”

Marty: “I may be a simple medieval blacksmith, but I do know a thing or two about building an old-fashioned rocket sled.”

Applepig: “Oink.”

Marty: “It is a pretty wicked spoiler, if I do say so myself.”

Panicbot: “Marty! Oh my god! Holy fuck! Oh my holy fucking fuck!”

Marty: “If this is about how you can totally see the Mysterious Shadowy Figure from last episode up there in the corner of the frame, just ignore him. That’s ‘off-stage’.”

Panicbot: “No, it’s worse than that! It’s about a hundred million billion times worse! WE ARE TOTALLY BONED!”

Marty: “I am going to invent some kind of robot pill, so you can take one.”

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Woman: “Patron, j’ai vu Keith. Ils l’ont attaché haut et verrouillé il dans la prison de tribunal.”

Mysterious Shadowy Figure: “Ssssssssss.”

Woman: “Est-ce que voulez-vous que je sauve cet idiot?”

MSF: “Ssssssssssss.”

Woman: “Je ne sais pas ce que ce signifie. Pourquoi est-il si foncé dedans ici? Votre identité n’est pas un grand secret — vous êtes Voldo.”

MSF: “Ssssssssssss.”

Woman: “Parlez-vous même français? Communiquons-nous réellement du tout?”

MSF: “Sssssssssssssssss.”

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Psycho: “Man, this sucks. I didn’t even get any new ears for my collection.”

Woman: “Hé, êtes-vous Keith? L’homme d’oreille?”

Keith: “What? Oh hey! Yeah, I’m Keith. You look kind of familiar. Did the boss send you to bust me out of here?”

Woman: “Pas, il m’a envoyé pour voir comment mal vous avez vissé vers le haut. Assez le mauvais, il s’avère.”

Keith: “Lady, I don’t speak Babelfish French. What’s with the bread? Is there a file in it?”

Woman: “Pourquoi est-ce que je ruinerais un pain parfaitement bon en mettant un dossier dans lui?”

Keith: “Well, whatever. Quick, give it to me before a guard sees you!”

Woman: “Pourquoi est-ce que je donnerais mon pain à un âne comme vous? Va te faire foutre!”

Bonus Penalty Links

Let’s see, what have I seen recently that’s cool…

Well, those Emergency Broadcast Network videos I posted the other day are part of a larger set, which you can find in their full original resolution direct from the source: http://www.joshualpearson.com/

Kevin Allison, who imo was one of the funniest guys on The State, has a podcast called RISK! where comedians tell bizarre and embarrassing true stories from their own lives. It’s pretty funny (but NSFW). http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/risk/id334724074

The Dream Machine is a gorgeous-looking episodic point-and-click type adventure, with all the art done in claymation. The first two (of 5) chapters are available at the moment, and it’s well worth checking out if you’re down with that sort of game. http://www.thedreammachine.se/

If you like Let’s Plays and want a really long one to watch, Vinny and Jeff from Giant Bomb did a full LP of Persona 4 a couple years ago, which I’ve been watching while mining and such. They’re pretty funny guys, so if you’re in the market for a Let’s Play video with one hundred and fifty-four 20-40 minute segments, well, here you go. You can also watch them do Deadly Premonitions in 38 segments, which honestly is probably the best way to experience Deadly Premonitions. http://www.giantbomb.com/videos/ (Hit the ‘Endurance Run’ tab and click to the last page of results to watch Persona 4; the Deadly Premonitions vids you want are marked with a yellow “VJ”.)

I know I played some other interesting flash games recently, but I can’t remember what they were. Lame! I’m such a lame blogger! Well, if I think of them I’ll tell you.

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Psycho: “I think you guys are being kind of drastic here. I’m sure it’s all a big misunderstanding.”

Phil: “Misunderstanding? You are a psycho, who attempted to assault and murder members of our community.”

Psycho: “What, little ol’ me? Come on, I wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

Phil: “You were carrying a briefcase full of severed human ears.”

Psycho: “Nonsense!”

Phil: “I have it right here. Thank you, Tinyfiretruckbot.”

Tinyfiretruckbot: “Weeeeee Beeeeyoooooooop.”

Psycho: “Oh, that briefcase. Okay, sure.”

Cindy: “And you attacked me with a knife!”

Psycho: “Can I have my knife back now?”

Cindy: “No!”

Psycho: “Okay okay okay. Sure, I’m totally murderously insane and everything, but just look at yourselves! Hanging a prisoner upside down by one leg to interrogate him? Don’t you think that’s a little ‘Lord of the Flies’? I believe it was Decartes who said ‘He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster himself.’”

Tinyfiretruckbot: “Whoooooop.”

Psycho: “Nietzche? All right, well, whoever said it, you see my point, right?”

Phil: “…Yes, I suppose I do.”

Marty: “Woah, Phil, what? You’re going to let this freak go?”

Phil: “No, certainly not, he’s much too dangerous. Cindy, cut him up.”

Psycho: “Woahwoahwoahwoah!

Phil: “Oh, sorry, I meant to say ‘cut him down’. And then lock him in one of the cells in the courthouse.”

Marty: “We’re gonna have to look at that vocabulary chip, Phil.”

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Robot: “Marty! Oh God! It’s terrible! Terrible news!”

Marty: “What’s wrong, Panicbot? Did more psychos show up?”

Panicbot: “No! Worse!! Someone was playing Minecraft all night and forgot to post an update!”

Marty: “Aw man, lame. All right, we’ll just do two today to catch up, and then maybe post some bonus links or something.”

Panicbot: “Holy shit, who is that man you’ve got tied up there?”

Cindy: “A psycho we captured. Do you guys have a prison cell or something?”

Psycho: “Can I have my knife back please?”

Cindy: “No. Shut up.”

Panicbot: “A psycho?? OH MY HOLY FUCK ON TOAST”

Marty: “Panicbot, I think we need to have a look at… whatever part of you it is that makes you do that.”